"We, the sensible people of the United States, in an attempt to help everyone get along, restore some semblance of justice, avoid any more riots, keep our nation safe, promote positive behavior, and secure the blessings of debt free liberty to ourselves and our great-great-great-grandchildren, hereby try one more time to ordain and establish some common sense guidelines for the terminally whiny, guilt ridden, delusional, and other liberal, bedwetters. We hold these truths to be self-evident: that a whole lot of people are confused by the Bill of Rights and are so dim that they require a Bill of No Rights.

ARTICLE I: You do not have the right to a new car, big screen TV or any other form of wealth. More power to you if you can legally acquire them, but no one is guaranteeing anything.

ARTICLE II: You do not have the right to never be offended. This country is based on freedom, and that means freedom for everyone -- not just you! You may leave the room, turn the channel, express a different opinion, etc., but the world is full of idiots, and probably always will be.

ARTICLE III: You do not have the right to be free from harm. If you stick a screwdriver in your eye, learn to be more careful, do not expect the tool manufacturer to make you and all your relatives independently wealthy.

ARTICLE IV: You do not have the right to free food and housing. Americans are the most charitable people to be found, and will gladly help anyone in need, but we are quickly growing weary of subsidizing generation after generation of professional couch potatoes who achieve nothing more than the creation of another generation of professional couch potatoes.

ARTICLE V: You do not have the right to free health care. That would be nice, but from the looks of public housing, we're just not interested in public health care.

ARTICLE VI: You do not have the right to physically harm other people. If you kidnap, rape, intentionally maim, or kill someone, don't be surprised if the rest of us want to see you imprisoned for life with no possibility of parole.

ARTICLE VII: You do not have the right to the possessions of others. If you rob, cheat or coerce away the goods or services of other citizens, don't be surprised if the rest of us get together and lock you away in a place where you still won't have the right to a big screen color TV or a life of leisure.

ARTICLE VIII: You do not have the right to demand that our children risk their lives in foreign wars to soothe your aching conscience. We hate oppressive governments and won't lift a finger to stop you from going to fight if you'd like. However, we do not enjoy parenting the entire world and do not want to spend so much of our time battling each and every little tyrant with a military uniform and a funny hat.

ARTICLE IX: You do not have the right to a job. All of us sure want all of you to have one, and will gladly help you along in hard times, but we expect you to take advantage of the opportunities of education and vocational training laid before you to make yourself useful.

ARTICLE X: You do not have the right to happiness. Being an American means that you have the right to pursue happiness - which by the way, is a lot easier if you are unencumbered by an overabundance of idiotic laws created by those of you who were confused by the Bill of Rights."

Addendum, 02.02.2005, from David D.........

Why can't the American people (private citizens and governmental officials) deal with being offended...

Because, somewhere along the line (probably at about the point where we went beyond critical mass and started moving into an excess supply of lawyers) this country went "Rights Crazy". Somehow, people got the idea that not only do they have the right to not be offended, but that they also have the right to be compensated for it. In some cases it's monetary compensation, in others (probably more often than not) the compensation comes in the form of their 15 minutes of fame. For some reason, people now think they're entitled to (have a Right to have) a risk-free, inconvenience-free, offense-free life.

And, for the most part, this has only been the case for the last 30 years or so. Before that, people were much too busy trying to survive and improve their lot. But, beginning about 30 - 35 years ago, things changed. From a medical and sociological perspective, life became more "certain". We had (in this country especially) eliminated a number of serious medical issues that used to impact people's view of life. Polio was gone, smallpox was gone, many other diseases and afflictions were easily preventable, curable, or controllable. Food supplies were stable. Transportation was a snap compared to a generation or two previous. Even Entertainment was widely available, widely varied, plentiful and easily accessible.

AND, if any of that were to stop being the case, well, then people knew that the government would step in to rectify the problem and make everything all better. At no cost. Hell, after all, isn't that our Right?

We found ourselves in a situation where life was comparatively easy. We didn't need to worry about the basic essentials of day-to-day life. So, now that the good citizens had time on their hands because they no longer had to worry so much about surviving, they could now focus their energies on trying to inflict their personal view of how the world should be on everyone else.

And if they were unsuccessful, they got offended. And, since we'd taken care of making sure that life's other difficulties and unpleasantries were mitigated, well isn't it a natural extension that the unpleasant state of being offended was an infringement of a basic Right?

And since no one's personally responsible for anything anymore -- it must be someone else's fault -- you now have a really bad combination. 40 years ago, people didn't have time for this nonsense. But somewhere along the way, people got the idea that life was supposed to be easy. And, like spoiled, petulant children, they throw a tantrum when they don't get their way or their perceived fair share/shake.

It's not the concept of getting a fair deal that's the problem; that's rightfully been a cornerstone of the American system from the get-go. The problem is in the perception of what they're entitled to.

You have a right to your opinion. You have a right to voice your opinion. But, please respect my right to disagree and to have and voice my own opinion. And, I should have the right to not have your opinion inflicted upon me.

David Donia